"Danger, Danger" from "My Little Pony: A New Generation"

One of the occupational hazards of being a journalist is you spend a lot of time immersed in the pain of the nation, and these days that means spending a lot of time thinking about autocracy, political strife, and social unrest. Relatedly, one of the occupational hazards of being a parent is figuring out how much of all that gnarly stuff should make its way to your kids, and how to talk about it.

It’s not an easy calculus: How do we encourage social action but not fall prey to political fads? How do we ask kids to trust authority figures and also encourage them to question the status quo’s power dynamics? How do we explain the value of politics while warning about the intoxicants of political movements? 

After bushwhacking through this thicket for years, I have found the answer. It’s the fourth track off a 2021 “My Little Pony” soundtrack.

It’s called “Danger, Danger,” and it’s a pop-punk bop about the perils of mob rule, ineffectual public servants, and mandated xenophobia. The Jan. 6 Committee could have just linked to this song instead of writing its final report.

There’s some lore and plot that gets us to the song in the movie it comes from, “My Little Pony: A New Generation.” The world of Equestria is filled with three distinct races of horse: Earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns. (There are also alacorns but I’ll leave my full exegesis on them for the paid subscription tier.) The Earth ponies of Maretime Bay -- no, there is not a typo in the spelling of that name -- have been taught to believe pegasi and unicorns are evil because of course they have. Despite myths that all the horses once lived in peace and harmony, the ponies are worried the pegasi and unicorns will show up and murder them all. Sprout, the Earth ponies’ fill-in sheriff, doesn’t know what to do with this xenophobia. Rather than lead the misguided citizens of Maretime Bay to higher ground, he chooses to embrace the paranoia.

This is such a fateful decision Sprout has to sing about it.

Something is lurking, something is near / Something is feeling stranger, stranger

Stirrin' up discord, whippin' up fear / Whispering softly, "Danger, danger"

That’s a pretty good encapsulation of our domestic anguish at the moment. The song goes one step further, though. The lyrics aren’t just about the perils of mass distrust, they’re about the way public officials can weaponize it to further their own careers. Sprout continues:

Better get nervous, better get tense / Better not let them catch you blinking /

You don't need a reason, fillies and gents / This is no time for sober thinking

This extra layer of commentary makes the song so much richer and thornier. Thanks to my own lifelong dance with anxiety, I spend a lot of my time talking to my elder daughter about fears, calming breaths, and all the latest yada yada on how to have emotions and not get overwhelmed by them. Most kids’ literature about fears and anxiety center the person feeling them -- and of course they do, kids are selfish megalomaniacs who have a hard time putting aside their own desires so adults can be allowed even one moment of self-determination. The genius of “Danger, Danger” is it shifts the focus from the anxiety-haver to the anxiety-stoker. 

It’s a heel turn for Sprout, and his horseshoe barely gets scuffed.

Fight, see in black and white / That's your pony right /

Time to lift your manes and proudly / Throng, numbers make you strong

Millions can't be wrong / Especially when they're screamin' loudly

You might not have a bale of hay to borrow / Are you saddled with your sorrow? / Are you scared about tomorrow? / 

Well, it's all gonna work out painlessly / If you follow my orders brainlessly

Who are we? (We're an angry mob) / What are we? (We're an angry mob)

The handclaps come in, the guitars shred, the harmonies ring. It’s a cornucopia of xenophobia.

Does my 4.5-year-old -- who can explain the intricate lore of “My Little Pony,” complete with the charged political history of Equestria and the questionable race theory of which species have which magic powers -- have any idea about the subtext of this song?

No. When she first heard it, she thought the chorus’s central lyric, “Mob, mob, m-m-mob, mob,” was just a recitation of the word “mom.” 

But at this age it’s not about comprehension so much as exposure. The song offered us a chance to discuss why we shouldn’t be afraid of other people, and why we should always think for ourselves, especially when people in power say things that further their goals and not ours. 

Did she have any idea what I was talking about? Probably not. But parenting is a long con. If the horses of Equestria can come together and reeducate the mob by the end of the movie, my kid can eventually learn to give people the benefit of the doubt even when the world encourages her to do otherwise. If she becomes a social worker later in life I’ll know why. Or at least I’ll tell myself I know why. Self-delusion is another one of parenting’s occupational hazards.

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Netflix’s relentless promotion of “My Little Pony” led to us watching the movie one day, and it’s surprisingly great. Vanessa Hudgens brings theater-kid energy to the protagonist, the whole soundtrack is amazing, and the MacGuffin plot mechanics are a touch better than a Marvel movie.

I have nothing for you to buy this week. Will they take away my influencer permit??

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